Grace

Day 4 — A Love Letter (to yourself)

  
So we’re almost 51. 

We looked forward to 50 with bated breath, with the excitement of a child looking forward to Christmas but 51 seems so much quieter. I suppose because for you 50 was like the magic bullet. You survived, you made it past 49, you outlived one parent. That was such a big deal. Like the sword that hung over your head finally disappeared, and now, everything became truly possible. 

Oh but what a year it has been! Shortly after turning the big 5-0 came life-changing events in your career that if you weren’t made of stronger stuff would’ve plummeted you to the depths of despair. But no. Okay so you cried a valley of tears but you eventually got up, dusted yourself and moved onward. Onward by the grace of God. That’s how it’s always been anyway. Thank God for that! 

You’re much stronger now, I can see that. And you’ve learned to speak your mind too! 50 seems to have unleashed many things, many hidden strengths. You’re more resilient now, less drama which is a wonderful thing.  I noticed you laugh more now, and you’ve come to master the art of surrender.  Yes, you still get rattled every now and then, and you still break into tears but always, always, you’ve managed to find the silver lining. 

Brave, that’s what you’ve become. Not the wild amusement ride kind of brave but brave when and where it truly matters. 

I love that you love your life now. It’s not perfect, but whose life is anyway? Perfection is a myth. Stay true. 

I’m happy to see that you genuinely love your solitude now. Well, you’ve always cherished it, but now it’s good to see you truly be comfortable in it and look forward to it whenever the opportunity for some solitude comes. 

And wow, all these new beginnings that await you and the children! Who would’ve thought? They used to be just a gleam in your eye. Something you didn’t really plan for. But you always like to say, “God provides.” You always say that with such conviction and resolve. Never wavering in that belief. And how He has kept His promises to you. At every turn, at every bump in the road. Thank you, thank you. 

We just keep believing, and moving onward, knowing He’s got our back. That no matter the uncertainties that lie ahead, He’s got those covered too. He laughs with you, and sits with you, and cries with you. Because He is all-knowing, because you are His child, and because, without a doubt, He loves you. 

51, here we come…

Love and prayers, Me

To read more about the great benefits of writing to oneself, please read this excerpt from The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, MD.

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