Today for some reason, my thoughts return to a life-changing moment of surrender. To surrender is never easy but it is always the best way, and the only way that we can find peace.
It becomes so much harder when the one we need to surrender is our very own child.
It was a rainy afternoon in late May of 1998 when I was looking out the window of the Heart Center. I can still recall how grey and dreary that day was. Raindrops were splattered all over the window pane that looked out on the grey Central Bank building across the street. But in the middle of all that grey was a patch of green.
By then Migi had been in a coma for close to two weeks. Doctors were baffled at why he kept on hanging on. Everything that medicine could do, had been done for him. A few days earlier, I had talked to the Lord in prayer and in what was probably the most difficult decision I have ever done in my life, I gave him up.
I said Lord, he’s no longer the little boy that we all know and love. But we are willing to care for Him for as long as it takes if that is your will. But if it isn’t, then please don’t give him a hard time and take him gently back home to you.
After I gave him up, I broke down but became awash with peace. And so it puzzled me that my son continued to hang on. Who was he waiting for? And then I remembered my mom.
So that very same evening, I talked to her and from one mothers heart to another I begged her to give him up.
Now my mom is stubborn and was a believer in miracles. But at that point, I felt so strongly that instead of waiting for a miracle, the Lord was waiting for all of us to surrender. So I was firm because I no longer wanted my child to suffer. “Please, give him up mom.” She looked at me and a few minutes later, quietly left the room and I was left alone once more. Later on that evening, as I was about to fall asleep, she sent a message, “I went to see him and I told him he could go to heaven.”
Two days later, Migi left us in the manner I had prayed he would go — softly, quietly, in no pain. The Father took him Home gently in the early evening of June 3, 1998.
I think of this story now because I think of all the times we have had to surrender. And how God always carries us in His arms in the moment that we do so, and in the days and weeks after until our hearts become strong again. To surrender, to walk away from what is not meant, to mourn it, to trust that something better will come because He loves us. These are lessons that we hopefully learn to master early on in life.
To be anxious is wasted energy. To lean on to him in the darkest of times and trusting that no matter how deep the pit we are in, He is there in the pit with us, keeping us steady and unafraid.
I write this today for you, or for anyone reading this today and struggling with surrender. Pray and believe that when you surrender to our Father whatever it is that you are struggling with, the peace that passes all understanding will come to you in His perfect time. And that in the end, all shall be well because you are His child and that He loves you and will never, ever leave you.